Saturday, April 10, 2010

More Than Peanuts and Cracker Jacks on Baseball's All-time Menu

I'm really not sure what's going on with my body lately. Seems like I look at food and immediately add 15 pounds to my svelte and chiseled figure. My wife loses 10 pounds and somehow I find it.

I start each Monday, on the new Oprah diet and begin each Tuesday with another cry of "I'll wait until next Monday."

At present, I weigh twice as much as the Olsen twins and only 60 pounds less than CC Sabathia.

Not really sure when it got like this. In 2001, I ran up Mtn Washington at a weight of 165 pounds and finished the Boston Marathon only a couple hours behind the winner. This morning I tipped the scale weighing more than this years men's and women's winner combined.

It's gotten a bit discouraging watching Joey Chestnut ingest 68 hot dogs on July 4, while my wife tries to convince me to share her bag of nutri-system pretzels. I had aspirations of someday appearing on TV, but never thought it would be as a contestant on The Biggest Loser.

So, it should come as little surprise that I spent the better half of the morning, not exercising and miraculously not ingesting Twinkies, but compiling a smorgasbord of the tasty and tantalizing menu of baseball players with food like names. (For the record, I gained 11 pounds while creating the menu).

Tonight's Dinner was Exquisitely Prepared By:
Dennis Cook with desserts elegantly created by Dusty Baker

Food Ingested By:
Don Gullet

Soup d' Jour
A savory helping of Bill Campbell with Milt Stock, Billy Bean and Jim Rice

Your Choice of Rolls and Butter
Zack Wheat or Johnny Oates

Surf and Turf
Dizzy Trout, Catfish Hunter and Kevin Bass served with your choice of Rob Deer, Mike Lamb or Rabbit Maranville

Lighter Fare
~ Herman Franks and Julio Franco smothered with Chili Davis and Jeff Frey
~ Garrett Berger topped with Eddie Bacon and MLB writer Jonathan Mayo delicately seasoned with GM Salty Saltwell and Don Pepper.

Bobby Wine, Phil Coke and Todd Coffey with George Creamer

Healthy Desserts
~ Bob Lemon with Daryl Strawberry and Bill Almond
~ Damon Berryhill with Sean Berry and Frank Pears
~ Dan Quisenberry with Luke Appling and Connie Mack

For the Sweet Tooth
~ Rick Sweet with Candy Maldonado and Pee Wee Reese elegantly prepared by John "The Candy Man" Candelaria
~ Coco Crisp smothered with Candy Cummings and Peanuts Lowry
~ Pie Traynor, Cookie Rojas and my personal favorite Mark Lemongelo with Felix Pie.

And what more fitting way to end our baseball feast then with a quote from Slim Fast Spokeman Tommy Lasorda who once said "When we lose, I eat. When we win I eat. I also eat when we're rained out."

Tommy, you took the words right out of my mouth.

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